We're All Mad Here » Findings

I’m Gonna Miss You, Baby.

shell — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 01:54:19 +0000

Shell: I’m going to open this bottle of champagne.
Shell’s Mom: What’s the celebration?
Shell: Me opening this bottle of champagne.

Pennsylvania is so Sunny

shell — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 18:07:05 +0000

Some say Pennsylvania’s sunny
But I prefer to say it’s gunny
Okay maybe that’s not funny
But either way it’s way too punny
I know
Okay

Founds.

shell — Wed, 17 Feb 2010 16:08:40 +0000

My head has been spinning the last month. I’ve been a whirl wind of change and unfocused energy. No logic, no structure, no strategy–just movement. I suppose I was hoping progression would bring about the solutions I was looking for: cover more ground and your bound to turn up something. The solutions have manifested and now I am working on focusing the energy: on shopping–for the new loft.

Yes, they renovated the old Royal Palm Hotel in downtown into awesome lofts. And we’ve gotten the awesomest of the awesome! You know the one: all the windows, the 12 foot ceilings and the great kitchen all decked out in urban cool. And you know how much I heart urban cool. The only problem is, all of my stuff is NOT urban cool and I’ve grown favorable to the vintage bones and charm of a lot of the cracker homes in the area. So I am frantically searching the blogs for inspiration, a way to blend the two into something harmonious. I happened across a new fav:

First problem: Bed.
Yeah, I broke it. I love Ikea, but seriously, MDF doesn’t handle much…well, force. (wicked grin). Before we left the townhouse, we were using a stack of books to hold up a split side rail. So I am brainstorming how to use pallets to make a giant platform bed for the queen mattress. Of course I found a really great vintage bed in Dania Beach, but I really can’t justify the $900 price tag. That and the dimensions are weird: it’s about 3″ too short for a queen and too big for a double.

So I am trying to figure out a fun way to make this, only bigger.

Since I was working on a site ALL weekend, I’ve taken yesterday and today off-ish (minus a meeting this evening) to recharge, pack and purge (stuff that is). I may just suck it up and get this bad boy ($400 is more my style)

Little Miss Lola

shell — Tue, 16 Feb 2010 03:44:00 +0000

I’ve been looking at scooters for a while. I knew I loved the little Italian doll when I first laid eyes on her. 30 minutes later the papers were signed and she was mine. She is spending her last night in the shop, getting her engine primed and ready for the long trip home. Tonight I am helmet hunting,

“I’m not a hooker,” he says repeatedly. “I’m a surrogate lover.”

shell — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 15:03:47 +0000

The United States has its first male prostitute. Leave it to Nevada. I’m attempting to read an already discombobulating article on the New York Times in the middle of jumping up to put Iz on the potty…three times. I’m not sure if it’s the Coca-cola I’ve traded out my routine morning tea for today (combined with all the running to beat iz to the bathroom with her frantic pee-pee dancing), or the article, but it becomes more nauseating as I go along.

His name is Markus, and his lips– if he were female we would, of course make some grand observation about being able to suck the paint off of an inanimate object, but he’s not. His lips look like they forgot to remove the collagen from the cow before putting it in the needle and having a go at it. They scare me. Go to the article if you don’t believe me. They just look wrong.

The article continues along it’s train wreck path (train wreck experience, the article is delightful), adding such awesome anecdotes as:

Minutes later, as we’re standing naked in the shower, he’s examining me like a second-rate gynecologist and nodding.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, cooing that I’m “practically” an 8 or a 9. “Everything looks great down there.”

Oh. My. God.

Oh. My. God. Is right. Gag. It’s bad, it gives me gross vibes, kind of like the thought of attending a male review. What’s the point? Why pay for meaningless sex (act) from what could, quiet possibly be the easiest sex (gender) in the world? Go to a bar, buy a guy a drink, take him home for an hour or two and donate your remaining $496 to UNICEF. Instead of feeling sleazy, you’ll come out on the other side feeling like Audrey Hepburn and forgoing the morning walk of shame.

Besides, if you have to hear lies like this, wouldn’t you feel better knowing you only invest $2.75 on a draft beer than $500 on a prosti-dude?:

I am only his second client, he has been with a total of six women in his life, and, to be perfectly honest, he lost his virginity at 23.

Before becoming America’s first legal “prosti-dude,” Markus dabbled in porn while he lived in Los Angeles but quit after just two scenes because he found it too degrading to women.

He also loves cooking French cuisine. Favorite meal: chicken cordon bleu.

The worse part about it? The man wears satin shirts. WTF? Head over to the article My Night with a Prosti-Dude if you have a few child-free moments, it’s enlightening.

They Know Something I Don’t

shell — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 16:26:07 +0000

Juniata is stalking me. They want alumni donations…

This is amazing, if you don’t know me, because I never legally changed my name to my new “married-ish” name. In fact, I never really got married, just married-ish. We are abstaining from such jibberish until it is legal for all (and we are in negotiation right now if the California ruling has made it “legal for all” which it might). Until then it’s just a transfer of property and whatev, my husband-ish tells me my dowry wasn’t big enough. Joking, we had a beautiful soul binding down in Key West on October 14, 2006…that and the whole “happy family” thing has us pretty well chained together for ETERNITY! I didn’t wear white…

Baptismal. My maid of honors threw me in the ocean…the dry cleaner looked at me like I was retarded bringing in a moldy, fish smelling dress.

yeah, we look young…and dirty. dirty hippies in the keys. look out.

Our bachelor party at Margaritaville…after the ceremony. But just to unjinx, we had our “divorce” party two months after we met, we figured getting it out of the way would be…refreshing.

Did you ever get the feeling…

shell — Sat, 26 Jul 2008 01:04:54 +0000

…you were being talked about?

Yeah, we be there.

What I Am NOT Blogging About

shell — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 20:12:40 +0000

Amy Butler Wide-Legged Lounge Pants, originally uploaded by Meryl CA.

In case you missed my bloglines addiction, I have one. And, thanks to the BlogHer conference going on last week, I have kept on top of my bloglines for a whole week…that’s right…ZERO outstanding posts. But I have noticed one thing…there is a flavr, and that flavr is:

- Amy Butler In Stitches Vintage Sheet Pants EVERYWHERE! (and here)(here)(here)(and don’t forget here)I would like a pair of these, really I would. They look so comfy, but I don’t have the time. I have 12 curtains and 4 quilts to finish before Christmas, preferably sooner. I could always buy them here.

- Freezer Jam. It’s strawberry season everywhere….but here. And so everyone is out at the Pick-your-own fields stocking their freezers and jammin’ in the kitchen. My kitchen is filled with the sounds… of crickets. No Strawberry Freezer Jam for you!

- Dooce @ Blogher… Dooce is talking about it (but only like “oh yeah, i was asked to speak at blogher, yawn, then I broke a nail and the dog dumped on the floor). Bossy is talking about it. Even this chick is talking about it. My goal next year is to get dooce to sign my chest. MOMMY BLOG GROUPIE! Wonder if I can drive there in a VW van. Sweet! OMG! It’s DOOOOOOOOCCCCEEEE! CAN I HAVE YOUR BABY?!?!?!?

- Renegade Craft Fair… Blog reading was so boring during the weeks following the renegade craft fair. It was like “look how cool we are to have this in our area…we walked here bringing our hip grocery carts in tow, right after we stopped at the neighborhood Whole Foods. What were you doing? Dodging old people in the street? Oh, on the sidewalk? LAME. Whatev.”

So everything cool happens in San Francisco, but you know what? I DON’T LIVE in SF. I live NEAR Miami, and this week we are going to Miami and I’m going to have Mojitos. AND MOJITOS…are so much cooler than hipsters. So whatever. SF has what? Fair Trade organic coffee? LAME. WE HAVE MOJITOS! WOHOOO!

So WHAT AM I blogging about?

My pee test. Yep. I got a pee test. They had to see what kind of goodies I’ve been pumping into my body. No weed? Good. But what is this? I think your caffeine intake is pushing “abuse”.

We got presents! The girls got matching vintage pillow case dresses from Grandma P, Webkins and a “I have SOL” outfit from Grandma L and Mimi brought mommy a fresh georgia peach this morning when she came to watch the girls for my out and abouts. Got that…FRESH GA PEACH. From like 70 miles away. Beat that with your freezer jam. YOU CAN’T! Oh no, you can’t!

Surge Protector

shell — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 01:09:14 +0000

swear. want.

Holy crap

shell — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 00:25:16 +0000

So Holly, over at Decor8 is hosting this great give away…here is just a sneak of some of it all…AND I DROLLED ALL OVER THE SCREEN (but at least that is one way to get the baby prints off of it)

And P.S. Apparently Secret is strong enough for a man, David wore my lavender scent today b/c he couldn’t find his old spice. By the end of the day it smelt very boy like though, like I want to hide my face in your arm pit for a few hours (I love boy smell…good smelling boy smell, not rolling in poop and sweat smell). He told me not to blog about this, so I did.